Sunday, June 26, 2011

When I realized my parents weren't perfect

This is how things should be. This is how I'm supposed to feel. This is how a guy and a girl are supposed to be CONNECTING.

Juice came to right at a transitional pivotal moment in life and he was a very welcome distraction. As a result of my relationship with Juice I began to harbor anger inside of me towards my parents. The feeling may have always been there but I just didnt' know what it was or what my unsatisfaction was. I felt that up until this time my expectations for a significant other were naïve, ignorant, and just too low.

Why didn't they teach me? Why didn't they sit down and have open discussions with me about a subject that was way more important and life-impacting then whether I got a n A+ or an A in calculus AP or whether or not my shirt was loose enough as to not see the outline of my undergarments when I left the house.  I became angry.

My parents were supposed to be my role models. They were all-knowing and all-wise. Yet their relationship which I began scrutinizing in detail was nothing I wanted for myself. I obverved interactions that I had never paid attention to before. If they were a source of comfort for each other then I didn't see it. If they were a source of mercy for each other then I didn't see it. I was always daddy's girl and my brother was always momma's boy. We were spoiled.  They favored their children over each other in many aspects and for so long this special treatment I received blinded me from seeing the cracks-huge cracks.

Up until this time I thought mr.perfect was an engineer, doctor, or a very successful businessman. He prays 5 times a day and is conservative-meaning he doesn't sit with women at dinner parties. He has a good reputation which I think just means he has never gotten into trouble. His family were known as “good people” and I'm still trying to figure out what that means. He gets along with my parents and supports me in my eductional and career pursuits.

I had no ideals of what a nurturing and passionate relationship was and it took Juice for me to question how far less than perfect my family was.

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