Sunday, November 20, 2011

Why do people have to leave each other?

I've read this article numerous times now.  There's a lecture version which I play on my iphone and fall asleep to.  The very first time I discovered this lecture was when one of my facebook friends posted it.  I was fasting at the time and it was close to iftar so I was stripped down to my basic human need of starvation and thirst.  

Within the first ten minutes I was bawling crying.  I couldn't believe that someone knows exactly my struggle and was able to very eloquently put it into words and communicate it.  It was such a relief to know I wasn't the only one.  Like Yasmin I'm also one of those that gets very attached to people.  I always had to have a best friend.  My free days always had to involve hanging out with people.  I always had a boy in mind whether it was an actual relationship or just a fantasy in my head.  I was always so dependent on my relationships with people.  When anything of significance happened to me I needed to talk to someone about it.  I get attached easily and I get hurt easily. I was very dependent on my friendships.

Yasmin relates her emotional vulnerability to that of a vase that keeps falling and breaking.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables.

 Listening to this lecture forced me to confront this and the first time it was overwhelming.  I cried for a long time.   The point of the article is the powerful message that she reiterates.

There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.

This might be the most important piece of wisdom I was given.  I listen to this lecture when I need the reminder.  This week I listened to it about 5 times.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Last Goodbye

The last time I had to said goodbye to Juice I actually had no clue of the storm that was looming upon us and the pending demise of our relationship.  I still felt like this green eyed prince's princess

He was leaving to go back to school and I met up with him that morning.  We were at a cafe by the airport and he bought me orange juice and nothing for himself.  It was his last year of dental school and I gave him my words of encouragement telling him to realize how far he made it and letting him know how proud of him I am.  I assured him that I was in this 100% and in turn he told me that he pretty much knew I was the girl he was going to marry from the first time he saw me.  In my head I questioned how valuable his judgement was considering he was previously engaged and that failed...but that thought lasted only 5 seconds.

It was a bittersweet meeting.  I was sad to say goodbye without being sure of the next time I would see him. Even more though I was happy at the possibilities the future held for us which I was very optimistic about.  Last year was a bad year, and this year was going to make up for it I was sure.